Hi, I’m Hussein 👋

I’m 38, 5’8”, bi, and I live in Boston, MA. I’m playful, reflective, and caring; I’m Uncle Hussein and godparent to two kids I love, I have an amazing cat, I do community work, etc; just a normal, stand-up guy with zero skeletons in the closet and absolutely no aspirations to start a personality cult or anything weird like that.

There are two things I’m working on right now that are very important to me:

  1. Living in a city I love;
  2. Finding a life partner.

For the first: I’ve lived in Boston for 11 years. It’s been a good run, but I’ve recently realized that living here doesn’t make me happy. I grew up in London and there’s something about living in a very big city that makes me feel energized and alive. I’m fortunate enough to be financially secure, so it’s time to make that happen.

So: right now my best plan is moving back to London around June 2025.

This means that finding a life partner is most likely going to happen one of two ways:

I'm willing to change my plans for the right person. I do want to live in a big city, but as long as the energy is right, that could be any number of places. London and NYC are the obvious ones, but there might be others: Chicago? Paris? Tokyo?

I'm open to moving somewhere else for a few months to try it and see. At the time of writing (Dec '24), NYC is currently a candidate for this.

I realize that "embark on a relationship with somebody about to take a big life decision" is daunting, and I don't blame anyone who doesn't want to take that on.

On the other hand, maybe the location does line up... and if you think we might be compatible, why not give it a shot? 🙂

You live in or around London; or you're London-curious and could imagine potentially making it home.

I will be visiting to figure out logistics a few times before I move, so there'll be opportunities to meet up then, and we can start getting to know each other meanwhile.

The sort of person I am

On bad days I think I’m a good person because I’m funny and clever.
On good days I think I’m a good person because I’m open-hearted, playful, and kind.
On the best days I don’t think about whether I’m a good person at all.

I think this captures me well: I built raised beds in my garden. I like tending to it over the summer and then getting to enjoy incredible tomatoes at the end of the season. (I thought tomatoes were meh until I pulled one directly off the plant.)

If you are sick I will make soup and bring it to you. It’s an important way I show love.

Some things I like to do:

  • Outdoorsy / light-active stuff: climbing, walking, fair-weather sailing, easy cycling (no lycra).
  • DIY and making stuff - I’ve made plenty of the things in my house, including furniture and drapery.
  • Cooking, restaurants, cocktails (though I rarely drink these days).
  • Any classical music concert featuring an angsty Russian Romantic composer.
  • I am kinda getting into energy woo lately??? Chakras??? I am but a baby but there is something going on here.
  • I am, finally, taking singing lessons! Which feels great.

I have worked in tech for 15+ years and one thing it is easy to do is separate oneself from people unlike you. To work and live and play in communities of people very similar to you, or to have the “diversity” you experience look like skin color and sexuality and gender id but not wealth or class or education. It is deeply, vitally important to me to not do this, to stay connected to and in touch and aware of the way others live. We may be better off but we are not better. I will not separate myself from humanity.

My vice is hookah. If I had one at home I’d instantly die of lung cancer, and I much prefer living, so I don’t. But I keep finding that the best people I know are down to go to a hookah bar. Doesn’t have to be you, but it’s an easy way to get a 🤩 face from me.

I want one of these. This one is someone else's, but I love her anyway.

The sort of future I want

I believe a life of weeping-with-happiness contentment is possible, and I want it.
[Update: since writing that, I have wept with happiness.]

I would like to co-create a life - location, partner, friends, community (which I see as another word for “family”) - at a more sustainable pace, where exploration and flourishing is nurtured. I value making sure people are fed: I’ve volunteered making meals for chronically sick people, and also helped run a mutual aid food drive for two years. I want to spend more of my time tackling food insecurity and I’ve got Big Plans to do so.

I’d like to have kids, and be active in raising them. I think I’d make an amazing trophy husband, which is only a joke if you’re not rich. Meanwhile, I’ve still got more travelling in me: more time in Japan, interior China, a return to Istanbul, and Iran are all on my bucket list. I seem to be converging on India from both directions.

Spirituality

I used to be allergic to the word until a friend pointed out “dude, you have a spirit, it’s the thing that makes you you”, and then I was fine.

The condensed version of my spiritual biography: I grew up Muslim, but quit in my early twenties because I felt like I couldn’t do it well enough. I came close to falling down the New Atheism rabbithole, but dodged it; in my late twenties I began a quest for capital-M Meaning, which I finally found after lots of therapy and years of Zen practice.

Buddhism has been important to me for approaching a decade. Buddhist philosophy and psychology is very much a part of who I am, how I think, and how I like to relate to the world. An example: when I filed for US citizenship, I asked for a waiver to the Oath of Allegiance on the grounds of not wanting to support the military, even though being 38 means there’s basically no chance I’ll get drafted.

It’s important to me that my partner has their own self-development practice - something that helps them be freer, kinder, and more open. It by no means has to be Buddhist flavoured.

Potential dealbreakers

I’m happy to talk about any of these if you’d like to know more.

  • I would like to have children (at least one), preferably biological.
  • I am open to a very secure relationship unfolding into something monogamish, if it feels right. The thing I really care about is the “very secure relationship” part: I think a relationship with good grounding, and the right effort and intention, will become whatever it should.
  • I pair better with someone who also has good executive function skills. Being able to trust a partner to get things done makes me feel taken care of, and gives me a profound feeling of relief and safety.
  • I am politically far to the left. That said, I have largely disengaged with US politics and treat it solely as a spectacle. These days I am more of an anarchist, by which I mean I believe that community building and mutual aid is worthwhile and morally necessary.
  • If you think Israel’s occupation and treatment of Palestine is in any way conscionable or justifiable, I am not the person for you.
  • I’m an only child, and have minimal to no contact with both of my parents. My family is thus entirely chosen. If you’re close to yours, I would love to become part of it.
  • I have a (really, really, really amazing) cat. If you viscerally hate cats, or have overwhelming allergies, that’d make it hard.
  • I am vegetarian, with very occasional and intentional exceptions. I don’t mind whether you are or not. I do enjoy cooking, and will want to cook for you, so if you’ll feel slighted by me not putting meat on your plate then… eh, I dunno.

What next?

This is the end of the text-heavy part. Thank you for sticking around!

There are a few places you can go from here:

Thanks, and I hope you find what you’re looking for too. ❤